Chapter Four: LYIN IN SAAT / WAITIN' FOR PUNISHMENT

"I hear dee!" Zeus mak maened after Flea-Lispa-Dees made a wark.
Zeus ordered Hyperion to make like a taxi and take You-Rippa-Dees to Teiresias in hades.  Zeus would not listen when Hyperion said it was not in his job description, so Hyperion pretended to obey and deliberately dropped You-Rippa-Dees on the shores of Princess Nausea instead of hades.
Princess Nausea was so nice that You-Rippa-Dees pled for mercy because it was more than he could stand.  The impossible began to happen.  He missed Flea-Lispa-Dees.
"YOU MISSED ME?!!" Flea-Lispa-Dees looked around to see what the arrow had hit instead, because she was sure that was what he meant.  They lived happily ever after.

  - the end -

(Enter Two Muses, Everlate and Everlater)

DAME JE

Beshrew thee, thou truant muses! The story is over!

EVERLATE

Then never blamed for thy art's defect!

DAME JE

(deep sigh)

Two muses have I, of late and later!

EVERLATER

We're not late, you're early!

DAME JE

You always say that!

(Exeunt DAME JE, MUSE EVERLATE and MUSE EVERLATER, Unintelligible Bickering)

- the other end -

Chapter Three: BLOODY MERCURY! KINDA WEETY WYE

You-Rippa-Dees escaped death at sea and was washed ashore by a merciful storm sent by Zeus, for Flea-Lispa-Dees hadn't insulted him yet.
Flea-Lispa-Dees asked Cyclops The Guesser if he knew where You-Rippa-Dees was.  Cyclops The Guesser was too annoyed to pay Flea any mind, for since Odysseus had outted his eye, he had ordered a seer but got tree witches instead and could not find the return reciept.
"BLOODY MERCURY! SON OF JUICE! WHERE THE HELL IS MY YOU-RIPPA-DEES?!" She began to pray.  Eventually Flea-Lispa-Dees insulted all the Gods, including but not limited to Zeus. 

~ To Be Continued ~

Chapter Two: COME ABOOT

COME ABOOT

Sir Piercable and Sir Lanced A Lot loaned their ship to You-Rippa-Dees, but there warn't a wind.
They sent for Sir Tendon, The Spraying Knight of Notting Good, who was always full of wind and water.
By the time Sir Tendon arrived, it ware too late.
What had started oot as ear piercin' turned to cryin at de hert to hadd oot a langer. Bored Pierceable had made holes in the sails and Lanced A Lot had bored holes in the floor boards and she began to take on water. 

~ TO BE CONTINUED ~

Chapter One: TAKKIN AFF

TAKKIN AFF

"YOU MISSED ME"

  One morning You-Rippa-Dees knew the time had come to hook up a team of oysters and start takkin aff.

  "DURST YOU LUST SQUASH DOOR FURDY FANS!"  Flea shed and took a swaander..

  Flea-Lispa Dees, a lewd and supple prude, drove You-Rippa-Dees to the Brink of Madness And Drink Everyday.  She yockit horns and never let him finish anything.

  "Whatna day o'm! What sho laeks!" he cried one day when she wasn't looking and wandered off to become a guest of wir neebor men of the Holey Wassailers, Drinkers Of The Moldy Ale Of Rancid Rott.

  The Holey Wassailers, Drinkers Of The Moldy Ale Of Rancid Rott had dwindled down to Sir Pierceable and Sir Lanced A Lot.  Up in their cuddy they agreed to help You-Rippa-Dees hide from his wife, Flea-Lispa-Dees, by loaning them their blinking ship.

~ TO BE CONTINUED ~ 

INTRODUCTION: Doon Apon It In Shinyshire Crying: "You Missed Me."

First Ulysses,
Now this tale,
Of an odyssey sacked,
By a holey sail,
And the boat-missing muses,
Everlate and Everlater,
Who could have done more
To get this story straighter.

 

This adventurous tale is dedicated to my two extinguished languages linguisticians and masters of reverse boustrophedonics, Sir http://twitter.com/London_Law_Firm and Lord http://twitter.com/brianinkster , of Shineyshire in The Kingdom of Twitter.
Thank you for learning me all these new words.
Sincerely,
http://twitter.com/damejemarshall